Oklahomeless

There was a job opportunity that brought me to Oklahoma.

Things were going well until it became obvious achieving buy in of the corporations wishes of building a truly functional sanitation crew wasn’t going to happen. Entrenched location manager had made the decision the way thongs had always been done were good enough.

This location had previously faced a recall due to Salmonella being found in their products. Three weeks after releasing me once again the Salmonella reappeared and again everything again had to be shutdown and cleaned to baseline, inspected, swabbed. This cycle repeats until swab results once again drop to acceptable levels.

Being let go totally turned the table on the aspirations I began to realize to be obtainable. The route may have shifted but hope remains I can take care of them.

Decisions

It’s dawned on me on how much of my life has been spent on trying to make sure that others have had what they wanted that I walked away from the things I was certain I wanted in muy own life so many times… I’m no uncertain as to what I do truly want. Certainly that includes what makes me happy. I haven’t really felt that way for so long these days I’m lingering in a void.

Journey

There were so many reasons it had to take place I can only categorize them in my mind as either selfish or unselfish. The need to expand and flourish told me I could not stay where I was. I could either return home to those I forever shall know love and care for me or once again traverse into an unknown. I was blessed to spend time with those before travelling on.

Awaking from my coma awoke within me realizations I ignored far to long. The fractures within me had me seeking to repair the selfsame for others in an attempt to disregard my own pain, shame, and guilt. The onset of becoming the change began, I can’t expect the world to be a better one unless I allow myself forgiveness for the the things I know were not right in my past and let that peace become the me of now. I’ve for decades been able to disregard the transgressions of others upon me because of the notion that even the things I did as a child; when actual realization of what was happening should have or not, whether I was the cause or merely a player in a game designed by another…

I’ve kept my descriptions intentionally vague as the details I’ve shared eye to eye with those who know my heart and until you are within that number, there’s no reason for everyone to be crying and/or pissed off. There’s always more story to tell, thank you for following this one so far.

Stringless across the states

It has been many a year since I’ve laid my hands upon a guitar. Before starting on this latest journey I came across a flat top I could relate with at an estate sale. Tucked into an obscure corner basically bottom dollared only saw the promise made of what could be.

I’m almost a decade out from using 6 strings from expressing my soul. Dis counting the emotional content, there is the personal worries of how horribly my stroke and now the tendon repair to my elbow will allow me to put forth that I feel is locked jnside

Hero

When I can hear HEAVEN within you, but you cannot hear me… I stand earthbound watching those I consider heroes unfold their wings and begin ascending all I’m left with is a sense of longing to be worthy enough to be within those regiments.

In the moment.

Be true to the real you in every moment.

27 July 2018

It is a difficult thing having so much to be told and say while not being able to. Time becomes divided into either no one is there to hear your thoughts or being amongst those it suites best to not have access to them. Hope remains that one day this to shall pass.

Strains

The past applies them. We attempt to breathe and move beyond that who we once were. Still we are defined by our experiences and seek refuge in that which we know 

An evening out.

I’m simple. This to me qualifies as a great night out.

Being

Sitting on the back deck looking at the evening sky. The oak trees provide a canopy some forty feet up. Amongst are of course the Georgia pines. I began to have a feeling from once my mind basically translated it all into binary. The sky as my 0’s and the trees as 1’s. With this the sky became existence, the way of things as it truly is. One representing conscious thought seeking patterns to make sense of what is there surrounding it. Perhaps it is our thoughts preventing knowing that which is. Words are a poor substitute for feelings. Relax, dissolve into what is in order to realize in place of seeking the answers from others, know it’s always been both there before you and within.