03 August 2013
I’m sitting back contemplating how stupid it is of me to feel sorrowful that my life knows joy but I choose to apply it upon a scale. While it is true having my present life be different could be seen as exuberant bliss – only an idiot fails to see that it could just as statistically be seen as immensely foreboding. The life I have chosen is harsh by the standards of most. At the same time I have found those which have expressed envy to a degree. The saddest part of it all is where I am today is quite simply the positioning to perform a test of resiliency of personal strength, values, and beliefs. Get this part for it is the most important: the test was not only upon these within myself, but for those around me as well. I kept score, that can be a point for which there is no arguing. To see who faded,withered, retreated… such has always been the goal upon this section of the path.
I said section because to believe that which was or is shall be the result of what will be implies the inability to have vision. There are always methods undertaken to reach forks in the road which to explain to others would defeat the purpose of undertaking the journey. I dare not say I know the path before and beyond me, but I adherently profess to walk the one which follows what I believe.
Has sticking to these beliefs brought me an exuberant amount of people that tell me they feel the same? No, not at all. All the same when reflecting upon what the majority of society sees as acceptable I am actually comforted by this. To know those which willfully voice a difference of opinion respectfully and see the importance of agreeing to disagree rather than thinking to hold clandestine discussions amongst others while attempting to mislead chose to stay involved with me, and that I actually know who each of them are, truly is invaluable to me. In the interest of fairness to both myself and to those who I hold above others … there are those who know and should not doubt, and those who doubt which should know. Thus ends that diatribe…
While the days have indeed been very well aptly described as thus of summer, I find myself realizing they are merely a way in which life shows the cycle of change. I have even become a guest cook. On that subject there may be later more inclusive posts – but I wager as I have no children I am aware of my paternal instincts are very much active and satisfaction I do find seeing everyone eating a prepared meal very satisfying. But back to living through summertime; I can still be found living away from an air+conditioned environment more so than within one. This is because I now know it is not a sin to sweat, to feel that which I have placed within myself released. How can anything our body displaces be seen as vile unless we view either or bodies or that which we place within it as such? I am not saying feces should be seen as completely benign, only that the coder philosophy of “garbage in, garbage out” holds true to so much more than writing a computer program! Whether it be mentally, emotionally, physically, or cybernetically… we can only do as well as what we choose to be our regiment of supply. What will be the source of nutrients? What shall be the passionate reasonings which we allow ourselves to nurture or whither?
To formulate a conclusion to that ponderance is a task which all are charged with solely amongst our deepest desires. To this I append that while mine have never been fully revealed? The nature of them has never been anything than blatantly obvious.
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